Sunday 26 October 2014

Have some Apple Pie, then Panic.



Apple Pies. They are the shit.
I never used to like them at all...in fact fruit is an obstacle for me full stop. So an apple pie was just a horrendous pudding in my mind, until my Dad made me try it with gritted teeth. And Boy George was i surprised. I loved it.
I'm not going to lie to you though, i thought making an apple pie would be really hard so I kind of talked myself out of it, i felt like i had set myself up for an epic pie fail. Dick move. 
So i made myself anxious over something that usually helps calm me down...what a twisted world we live in. BUT it was actually quite easy, and super fun! I got somewhat of a bakers high, if there is such a thing! My Dad was more then thrilled as well and has requested more pie baking for the future. This guy! 
This was one of the things from my Halloween check list that i can tick off! TICK! 

I found a good and easy to follow recipe online  - http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/2052/ultimate-apple-pie

Apple Pie! 

For the filling

  • 1kg Bramley apples
  • 140g golden caster sugar
  • ½ tsp cinnamon
  • 3 tbsp flour
For the pastry
  • 225g butter, room temperature
  • 50g golden caster sugar, plus extra
  • 2 eggs
  • 350g plain flour

1. 
Check out the size of my sugar...thanks Costco! 
Weigh out the sugar

2. 
 Add the butter and blend until it has just mixed together.

3.
Add 1 egg and 1 egg yolk, set aside the egg white to use later! Mix together for 1 min, it will look like scrambled eggs. Gross.

4.
Add the flour into the wet mixture a 3rd at a time with a wooden spoon, finish up with gathering the flour mixture with your hands and making it into a ball!

5. 
Like this dough ball right here! 

6.
Wrap the dough in cling film and put it into the fridge for about 45 mins.

7.
Check out these apples. Big right. Impressive. These are Bramley apples. Peel and chop these bad boys up! 

8.
Place the apple slices on to kitchen roll and pat them dry. (I didn't do this too well and had quite a bit of liquid in the pie when it was baked...rookie mistake) So make sure they are quite dry!

9.
Mix the sugar and cinnamon together...Take the pastry dough out of the fridge and roll it out on to a floured surface. Try and not add too much too the dough as it can make it too dry. 

10.
Once to dough has been rolled to the right size for your pie tin, line the pie tin with the dough. I messed up with this part...as i used quite a large tin and ran out of dough for the top...so maybe follow the website i linked above for this part. I am useless! Mix the apples in cinnamon/sugar mix, until completely covered and chuck them into the pie tin!

11.
Cover the pie with the rest of the pastry dough...if you have enough like i did decorate as much as you like! My Dad suggested i took off a few of the Bats as the top would be too thick...he was right. Buh. Use the egg white from earlier to wash over the pie top. Put the pie into a preheated over (190) and bake for about 40-45 mins. 

12.
Clean the kitchen whilst the pie bakes. I am so messy!

13.
Make pie dough bats...

14.
And....ITS DONE! Yay! Made my first pie from scratch! Wonderful fun! 



The Bats...so cute and tasty :D 

I struggled a tad with the pastry, as you can see...but in the end it was fine...just made it look even more homemade ;D 

Enjoy with tonnes of custard...from a can...Brilliant.

All pie'd out for the week. My Dad was very happy, which made me happy. Happiness all round. Until Tuesday...Tuesday evening i had a pretty intense panic attack from out of the blue.
After dinner, sitting with my dad eating pie...when i felt a pain in my chest. A little something about me, i have had pleurisy twice now...once when i was super young and then another time as a teenager. Its awful and i never want it again. So every once in a while i will get a pain in my chest and immediately think its that...which it isn't...but try telling that to someone with crazy anxiety. I felt a pain and it was gaaaaame over. I got the chills all over my body, especially the back of my neck and arms. My chest got super tight, i felt sick and my stomach dropped. Brilliant. I felt this insane amount of dread and panic. I had to stand up and move around, i couldn't sit or talk, i just had to keep moving. I went upstairs to take my inhaler and grab my Valium...came back downstairs in a rush and started to shout at my dad that i was having a panic attack and i need help...he just sat there and calmly said 'Sit down and tell me what to do' I told him i couldn't breath and felt like i was going to pass out...in my head i sounded pretty calm and collected whilst talking to him...but in real life i was a panic ridden fiend. My dad told me if i am talking, then i can breath...logical. Made sense i guess...so i sat down and took deep breaths and tried to focus at one thing at a time. I took my sweet Valium and wrapped myself in a blanket until i felt like it was safe to be by myself and go to my room...too watch Muppet's Treasure Island. Brilliant choice of film. Spoke to my Mum, Faye & Jesse for a little bit and then felt calm enough to fall asleep.
I felt like the wind had been knocked out of my sails for a little while afterwards. I was doing so well with my anxiety and panic attacks! BUT before i had taken the Valium, i had calmed myself down which i haven't done before. I knew what was happening and i knew that i wasn't going to pass out or die because of it. My Dad, Mum, Faye & Jesse really helped just because of how calm they were towards me as well. So it is getting better...positive thinking! I have felt fine after this too. Just have to keep focusing on the good things!

Positives of my week!
* Went out with Kirstie for a little celebration Dinner
* Felt happier for the past few days.

Love Kara
<3



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