Public Panics!

Good day.

Ever had a panic attack in public? 

I have.

I had a panic attack. In Asdas. Brilliant.

My family and i go food shopping once or twice a week...i love food shopping. 

Not just because of the food aspect of it, i just love shopping in general. So going grocery shopping isn't a big deal whats so ever. 

This day though...wooo! 

My Dad and i walked into Asdas as if we owned the place. Classic Harris behavior. I was feelin' fine! Anxiety was at bay and woke up happy and ready for the day! 

Shopped around the DVD section, making a 'To Buy' list for when i am filthy rich in my head, walked over to the frozen section with my Dad...still feeling good...THEN some crazy shop fella walked past me with a big old food trolley thing. It made me jump...and that was it. 

I felt a wave come over me and I started to panic. Every noise in the shop startled me, people were talking far to loud and my Dad was no where to be found. I was by myself, surrounded by random shoppers and frozen peas. Hell. 

My chest started to get tight, my hands got clammy, and then the room started to spin. I felt like i was about to lose control of myself. Once it gets to that point, i usually just go to my room to lay down and repeat to myself that i am ok whilst take lots of slow deep breaths. Or if i am with Jesse, Faye or my Mum, they will breath with me so i can breath in their rhythm. But this is in public, i can't quickly go to my room and relax myself, i have to deal with it right now! When i finally spotted my Dad, he could see that i was struggling and we headed to the tills. I tried my hardest to chat to the friendly till lady, but in hindsight she probably thought i was quite rude, i can't even tell you what she was saying to me...i don't remember. All that was running through my head was 'My chest shouldn't feel like this' 'Am i going to have a heart attack?' I held it together for a few more mins, then cried as soon as we got out of the shop. My Dad is pretty good with crying, he has 2 daughters...so he really has to be ok with it other wise he would have a mental breakdown! 

We got to my Dad's car and i jumped in. All the way home i was on edge. I just want to get into my Disney onsie, jump into bed and cry it out...So that's what i did for the rest of the day until my sister, Faye got home from work. 

I struggle with public panic/anxiety attacks not very often, thank goodness. I'm not to great with dealing with them in public. I feel myself withdraw from everything and clam up! 

 If i am with friends, i will take myself off to the toilets and try and calm myself, but i feel like a burden and my night is most of the time ruined. 

So what do you do with public panic attacks?! 

A few days later, i decided to look around the interwebs for ideas on how to help panic attacks whilst out and about! Here are a few ideas i found; 

1. Tell yourself you are ok! You aren't going to faint, you aren't going to die that very second! Panic attacks aren't dangerous and this feeling won't last forever. 
2. Learn some breathing exercises. If you are breathing like a women in labor, settle down! Slow, deep breaths. Breathe in for 3 seconds, hold this breathe for 2 seconds then breathe out for 3 seconds. Do this until you can stable yourself.
3.  No one knows what is happening to you, that sometimes can help. Everyone else is going about their business and not fussing over you. Just take your time. Wander off somewhere else until you can go back to what you were doing. 
4. If you are with someone and you do want them to know, talk to them. Talking is a massive help if you are comfortable with that person. They can breathe with you and help distract the craziness going on in that old noggin of yours! 

So, yeah! A few ideas! Hopefully none of us will have to try these out in the near future, so lets just keep them in mind just in case. 

If you have any other ideas, please do share...i will add them to my list! 

Have a good night! 

Love Kara 

<3 

Baking Day

Good evening :) 

Last Saturday I had a baking day with my sister, Faye. 

 I woke up feeling quite anxious...and hungry for cookies. So my kind Daddy drove us to Sainsburys for baking goodies and Starbucks!

 I have found some pretty impressive gluten free cookies on pinterest! 

Flourless Brownie Cookies. 

What! Flourless? Brownie...cookies? Yep! They are outrageous and so easy! 

Like chocolate? Yeah, me too!

Flourless Brownie Cookies Recipe 

• 1 cup softened butter 
• 1 cup brown sugar (not in the picture) 
• 1 cup white sugar
• 2 egg
• 1- 2 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 cup cocoa powder
• 1/2 cup white chocolate chips
• 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

* Preheat oven to 190 

* Mix together the butter and sugars.

* Add the egg and vanilla and mix until combined.

* Add the soda, salt, and cocoa to the wet ingredients, mixing until combined.

* Stir in the chocolate chips.

* Using an ice cream scoop (so the cookies are mostly the same size) place the cookie dough onto a baking sheet.

* Bake for about 10 - 12 mins. Let the cookies cool on the baking sheet for a few mins before transferring on to the cooling rack. DONE! 

This is the website i found the cookies on. Defiantly have a look! So many good gluten free recipes!  

http://www.yammiesglutenfreedom.com/2013/10/flourless-brownie-cookies.html

These cookies are awesome.

Give these a go for sure, super yummy and easy like i said before :)

I felt very calm and the happiest i have felt for a while on Saturday, so took full advantage of that feeling and went out in the evening too see some lovely friends too! Good weekend all round! 

Positives from this week - 

* Saw my Bestest, Kirstie on Friday for dinner and kisses! 

* Caught up with a few friends on Saturday night <3 

Love Kara 

<3 

Keep Calm & Carry On

It's true..I try my hardest to stay calm...but alas...anxiety has me in a pretty tight head lock. We sometimes wrestle like a couple of pals! I win every now and then, but this sassy mistress gets the upper hand and brings me to my knees. Such a bitch. 

When i feel like my anxiety is about to take over I have to keep my mind active. Trick it into thinking we are ok...we aren't about to have a heart attack. We're havin' a good time! Livin' life! And so on...

So i have a list...a brilliant list of 'How to calm yourself down!'

These sweet little things help me when i am at my worst. They keep me on the sane train! 

Let get down to business!

1. Walking 

I LOVE a good old walk! My Dad, Sister and I just moved house, so we have a whole new walking world ahead of us! I love exploring new places. I love nature, and I love walking. I just love it! WALKING! My Dad knows that when i am getting upset and anxious that all i need sometimes is walkies! I run to the door and wait for dad to grab my lead!? Just kidding ;) I can walk by myself without a lead.

When I am out in the fresh air i feel better. I take deep breaths and focus on the trees, birds, and everything else around me. I could walk for hours. Sometimes i have to force myself out, but once i am outside i feel tonnes better. 

2. Baking

This. THIS! I love baking. In our old house, our oven was shocking so for a short while baking stressed me out. Which made me sad. Now we have a fabulous new oven, which bakes like a champ! With baking you are so focused on ingredients and measurements that you have to force out any other thoughts. And once everything is baked, you will have a tasty treat! Win/win situation if you ask me! 

3. Watching TV

Putting on a funny film can sometimes help. When my Ruffies passed away, Faye, my sister put on 'Step Brothers' & 'Pineapple Express' on for us to watch whilst i tried to sleep. That really helped settle me. DON'T watch anything too screamy! Like 'War of The Worlds'...i watched that on a plane once...yeah...a plane...watching a movie on a PLANE where you see other PLANES falling out of the sky is an awful idea. Plus that little girl screams like 90% of the film and it panicked me! Stick to funny films/shows...OR David Attenborough...because he is wonderful and can do no wrong. 

4. Games

I am a big fan of pc/xbox games. The Sims is one of my biggest weakness. If i am feeling sad or anxious, i will just stick on the Sims and make huge houses, make a skinny, beautiful me and the world is all right again. Halo is also a big old help...becoming The Master Chief and kicking The Floods ass makes me forget about my woes and concentrate on not dying all the time. I truly am awful, but its the effort that counts.

5. Pinterest

Pinterest is brilliant. I am pretty good at pinning. If you don't know what Pinterest is...look it up! I will pin for hours on end. I am concentrating on finding cool ideas, Disney pictures. bird pictures, baking tips and funny pictures to even think about anxiety! I have so many boards and pins its outrageous. I may add it to my CV...'Good at Pinterest' 

6. Colouring Books 

My Aunty Mary once told me that when i am feeling anxious, i should start colouring. At first i thought it wouldn't work, and felt a little silly buying pens and children's colouring books...But it really does work! You are keeping your mind busy and focused on colouring in pictures, your anxiety just goes away! I love it! Tiger in Woking does adult colouring books, they are awesome. So give that a try for sure. Who doesn't love colouring!?

7. Baths 

A nice hot, bubble bath with a book or just in silence is brilliant. I do this when i feel myself start to feel a little edgy and need to relax myself. It helps you with your breathing too with the steam, and you are getting clean! 2 birds, 1 stone! Good stuff. 

I asked one of my sweet friends what calms her down when she is feeling anxious as well. One of her calming things to do is to listen to ocean noises whilst having a lay down. She has an app on her phone called 'sealife sounds' which she downloaded for free. I found one called 'Nature Sounds Relax & Sleep' to download on to my android, so i shall give it a go tonight and see if it helps me sleep! 

If you have any other calming techniques, i would love to hear them and give them a go too! Always looking for new ways to relax myself. 

I hope my list is somewhat helpful! 

Positives from my week - 

* Had a La Di Da Cupcake lunch date with lovely Meggy <3 

* My David Attenborough DVD i ordered came today...waiting for one more!? Eeee! 

Lots of Love 

Kara 

<3 

Trigger Happy

Hello there!

Shall we get to business? Get down to the nitty gritty? Talk about the crazy anxiety triggers I know I have!?

Since my last post, a few of my friends have spoken to me about the anxiety they have and what triggers it for them. A few of us think we are the only ones that have that certain trigger that sets us off, but 9 times out of 10 its actually quite common! So I thought I would share mine, then we can compare notes...maybe over some tea? A cake? Cool.

1. Too much noise!

At first I thought this was a strange one as going to The Agincourt (our local rock club) never bothers me, maybe because I know its going to be noisy? I don't know? That doesn't set me off, but if I go to work or out shopping and it suddenly gets really noisy...I feel myself panic. My heart feels like its going to jump out of my chest. I have to either leave for a bit to calm down or I will become a crazed mental gal. I usually go with the first choice.

2. Bodily functions.

I am NOT good with body stuff...not one bit. I can't watch real life medical shows because it will set me off.

You know when you have gas...which is a rare occasion as I am a girl...and we hardly ever fart, if ever...anyways...gas, it sometimes gives you tummy pains, back pains, chest pains...just general harmless pains...well for me...it means death. I get a pain in my body that at the time I can't explain, my chest gets tight and I think I am about to drop dead. Nothing you can say will convince me otherwise. Don't even get me started with headaches?! Buh.

3. Over analyzing.

If its quiet and I have nothing to do, my brain will all of a sudden go into over drive and just over analysis EVERYTHING! Friends, work, texts I have sent, my weight, food, life, things I have done in the past, just everything and anything. I will make myself cry, anxiety fueled crying...the type of cry that people are scared of...its intense, messy and loud.

4. Too much caffeine.

I looooove coffee...guilty as charged! I can easily drink up to a 1000 cups a day. That's an exaggeration, but you get it. I'm that arsehole who will order a cup of coffee at a busy pub in the evening...they hate it, I can't help but love it. It gets me going, but annoyingly it gets my heart going too which then gets my anxiety going...I get the shakes, my heart races, and then I become an emotional mess. Self inflicted anxiety attack. Classic.

5. Negativity.

If there is too much bitching, too much arguing, just negativity flying all over the joint...I lose sleep...then I lose my mind...I understand we all need a good old bitch sometimes, I get it! But if it is constant then I will lose it. I worry, cry, moan to my sister and my anxiety takes over even more then usual. Life, am I right!

6. Traveling.

I am in a long distance relationship with my wonderful fella. Jesse lives in Texas and I live in Good old England. We have been together now for 6 and a half years...he is my world...traveling on the other hand is NOT my world. Planes, trains and automobiles scare me. Planes...in the sky...how?! The night before flying, I will throw up and sit awake all night. In the morning, I will take enough Valium to knock a herd if elephants out. Double decker buses...only daredevils sit on the top deck. No thank you. Trains...Buh...but if I want a normal life... I have to man up and jump on board. Any noises that I feel are not normal, my heart goes...and I find my phone to call my loved ones. Brilliant.

I'm not going to lie to you...that's only the tip of the iceberg. I have so many triggers, its embarrassing! But we can get into more of them another time! These are my main ones, the ones I deal with quite often. The bad boys of the trigger world. Now you share! What are your triggers? Go!

So, after every post I want to share a positive thing I have experienced that day or week! So here are my positives today;

* Spent quality time with my mum and sister ❤

Love Kara 

❤

Starting a fresh

Hi!

My name is Kara, and I suffer from anxiety and depression. 

I have suffered from depression most of my life, anxiety on the other hand is a new thing for me! Everyone has had some sort of anxiety, that's just life! BUT an Anxiety attack is somethin' else! If you are unsure if you have had one or not, then you haven't had one. You wouldn't forget having one, it's pretty intense...My first one was whilst i was living in Texas about 3-4 years ago...i woke up at about 1am not being able to feel my gums...at the time that seemed like a big deal, but now that i think about it i don't think you are ever that conscious about feeling your gums? My head felt like it was going to explode, i felt like i was going to throw up or pass out. I couldn't stop shaking or speak properly. Nothing made sense, everything was a blur. Jesse, my sweet fella and I decided to go to the emergency room at the hospital a few blocks away from where we were living. I started to calm down, and thought whatever was happening to me had passed...silly rabbit...after a few minutes of relief, my chest suddenly got tight, i couldn't breath, my heart was racing. Got to the hospital and had to write down my details, which was quite the task when you can't stop jittering all over the place. The nurse took me straight into the emergency room, took a blood sample, and tried to calm me down. I kept asking what was happening to me, but the doctor was an arse and wouldn't tell me...After a while the nurse came back to sedate me which was was wooonderful. I started to calm down, Jesse turned on the Disney channel, we watched The Little Mermaid TV show and i finally felt relaxed for a while. We left the hospital around 5am, and that was that...my brain is a mess. 

I have honestly never felt the same since i had my first attack. I feel like i have lost myself. 

I never knew about anxiety until then, i had no idea the mental and physical pain it can bring to a person. The chest pains, muscle pains, headaches, sickness, stomach pains and whatever else. It's pretty shit, am i right? Its crazy to me that anxiety is so common! How are people functioning day to day?! 

The truth is i am struggling. After a losing my dog...who was my world...i haven't been able to climb out of this dark hole that i have fallen into. I feel incredible lonely and worthless 90% of the time. The other 10% is hunger. So that's a good sign, (i know i am a lost cause if i stop eating.) 

I feel like crying every night and day isn't the norm...but i could be wrong? Some people are just very emotional. 

I am crying out for help, but only i can help myself. 

That is the point of my blog. I'm not doing it for sympathy or woe's me. I am doing it so you know you aren't alone and you aren't the only one going through it and not the only one finding it hard to function with everything going on in day to day life. I am helping myself by helping you. I want to find the positives in life that we all have, but find it difficult to see. I want to feel normal again, not anxious or sad anymore. I want to look forward to things and want to see my friends because right now all i want to do is stay in bed with my curtains closed and nobody bothering me. I want to sleep at night, all night...not a few hours here and there...because that is SUCH a ballache! 

I understand that i will probably be on happy pills for the rest of my life...My Mum tells me it runs through our genes. Not a petite figure...depression and anxiety. Good. 

So, if appreciating the small things in life is a tiny bit of light in our dark times then we should take them and hold on to them tightly. That is what i want to do here. 

I want to let the positive in, and push the negative away for good. 

Anything that makes my day brighter i will post it, look forward to lots of lists...i bloody love lists, baked goodies, pictures, anything...i will be blogging about it. So that's that. 

Today, i start a fresh with everything and this blog is going to help :) 

Love Kara 

<3